Musings from the CU Suite

Written by Anthony Demangone

I was sure he was going to like it.

Whenever I go on a business trip, I try to bring Kate and Briggs back a gift that ties into the area. For Briggs, I had picked out a beautiful burnt-orange Texas Longhorns t-shirt. He always liked getting shirts from sports teams.

But Briggs said he hated it. And he seemed to hate just about everything else about me after I returned from my trip. Let's just say it was anything but a warm welcome.

Being the parent of five-year-olds, I'm used to the roller-coaster of emotions. But something about him hating the shirt gnawed at me. 

I was hurt.

Later that evening, after I finished reading him a story, he quietly asked me a question in a sad voice.

Briggs: Daddy, when is your next work trip?
Tardily-enlightened me: Not for a while, Briggs. You don't like my work trips, do you?
Briggs: No, I wish you never left again. 
Heart-broken me: Is that why you were mad at me?
Briggs: Yeah.

So we had a good talk.

Briggs' anger was justified, in a way. But it was misdirected. 

Misdirected anger is unproductive. Worse yet, it is destructive. It confuses and worsens the situation.

Accurate anger, however, works. Targeted and constructive, it leads to addressing the problem.

How often, though, is our anger misdirected?

We're angry at Ted for this, but we lash out at Ted because of that.

Or over worse, we're angry at Ted for this, but lash out at Tina for that. 

As a leader, people will push your buttons. Perhaps many people, and many buttons all in the same day. 

Misdirected anger is unproductive. Misdirected anger confuses. And at its core, misdirected anger is unfulfilling. Deep down, you know it is misplaced - it simply makes you and others feel worse. 

So, my question of the day? How many of you have been bitten by misdirected anger. Either on the giving, or receiving end? 

Let's have a great week, folks.